So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize