clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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