Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
