It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
