Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
