I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
