Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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