I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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