im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this beer tastes like vomit already
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
