hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
