how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
