Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
