Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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