I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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