Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
