you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
