I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
