just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
