so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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