Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
