the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Barsexuality is the new black.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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