i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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