Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
