He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
