but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
