getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
