All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
