I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
