rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
