You made me cry and you don't even care
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
