i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
