He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
