From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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