Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
