my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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