the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i will never coherently bang her
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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