i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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