Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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