She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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