What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
