how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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