Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
