no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
