his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
