she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
