Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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