By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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