what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
