Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
