Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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