How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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