i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
