How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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