How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
