just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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