by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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