I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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