If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
