I must be too annoying 4 u.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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