she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
