i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
