It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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