I have demons in me.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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