He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
