i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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