im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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