i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
