Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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