I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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